I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
