The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize