But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
