He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
