It's like God shit irony all over that family
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Even my vagina gasped.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize