Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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