I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
