this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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