I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
