she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
