it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
