i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
