I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
