i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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