so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize