I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
