Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
