I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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