her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
