i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
