Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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