i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
