I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
