I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
