You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
