I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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