i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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