I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
