I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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