Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The air was thick with penises
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
