I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
