I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
