Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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