there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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