mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
