grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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