mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
