Pappa wants mamma naked
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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