Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
