At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
