i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize