Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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