She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
