Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
