woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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