I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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