I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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