Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
