the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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