They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
