Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
