I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
