You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
