I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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