I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
