Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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