If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I touched a dick in church today
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
