It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
