Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
