There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
