you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
