does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize