Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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