I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
