She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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