STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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