I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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