he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
