I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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