I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
