my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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