remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
